MUSIC: 50 CENT LOVES HIS V-NECK SPANDEX ONE PIECES

What do you get when you cross a gangsta rapper with a gay opera-rock star?

Q Unit



Mix masters The Silence Xperiment conceived of a long-awaited Queen/50 cent mashup album featuring new songs like " This is How We Bite the Dust" and "Crazy Little Pimp Called Love"

Next up: A Gap commercial featuring the G-Unit swing dancers. 

www.q-unit.net/Main.cfm

SOCIOLOGY: STATISTICS ON "THE FAMILY STONE" TRAILER

The new Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Keaton, Dermot Mulroney, Claire Danes, (deep breath), Craig T. Nelson, Rachel McAdams and Luke Wilson Feel Good Christmas Movie looks like fun for the whole family. Regardless of the fact that the trailer makes absolutely no sense, it has generously relied on the forumulas of past holiday movies to supply audiences with an artificial notion of love. Here's a scientific analysis of how they do it :

Length of Trailer: 45 seconds
Number of Mid 90's indie hunks that need work: 2
Number of Mid 80's TV hunks that need work: 1
Number of actresses that Hollywood producers think the average female can relate to: 4
Accuracy of their projection: 2%
Number of signature Sarah Jessica Parker high pitched yelps: 2
Number of feel-good Motown songs:1
Number food fights: 1
Number of actresses who will reference working with Diane Keaton as a career highlight in their promotional interviews: 23
Number of tear-free tearful breakdowns that turn into laughter: 1
Number of minorities in trailer: 1
Number of fire-your-agent closeups of SJP: 3
Number of pratfalls that look painful: 3
Number of times someone's caught dancing in her pajamas: 1
Number of necklaces around Diane Keaton's Oxford shirt: 4
Number of scenes featuring couples talking in pillow-heavy beds: 2
Probability that Sarah Jessica Parker's character works at a fashion magazine in New York: 89%
Percentage of population that actually live in a house the size of the Family Stone's: 2%
Probability that the family is gathering to celebrate Hanukkah: 0%

Family Stone Trailer

SJP UGLY WATCH

And now BWE Blog attempts to convince your girfriend that Sarah Jessica Parker is butt-ass ugly:

GAMES: NO HASSLE, JUST HOFF

Are you having trouble sleeping? Do you find it hard to stay focused at work? Are you irritated by the thought of David Hasselhoff's hairy chest?

Waxhoff.com will set your mind at ease. Not so much a game, but a bizzare obsession, the site allows you to simulate waxing the Hoff's chest as he spews empassioned lines from his Knight Rider days.

waxhoff

Bonus: If you still can't get enough of Germany's hottest pop star, trying making a Hasselhoff paper airplane:
www.knight-foundation.com/hoffplane

GOSSIP: ROUNDUP

RuPaul gets busted by cops for having trannie oral sex in public. In Ru's defense-- she was just shooting a "low budget indie film." Sure pagesix.com

Page Six tracks long-mythologized Greek heir conspiracy pagesix.com

Nick Lachey loves him some teenage virgin South Florida.com

Musician, Brian Warner and dancer, Heather Sweet, make an adorable newlywed couple (read on) New York Daily News

GOSSIP: LOHAN GIVES UP ON EMINEM

Remember back in June when Lindsay Lohan boasted to W magazine that black guys love her?

"Black guys love me - Damon Dash, P Diddy," laughs Lindsay. 50 called my agent for my number. He said he was watching Mean Girls and loved it. I was freaking out! The first thing I thought was, 'Where's Eminem?' I'm in love with him!"

At the time she didn't seem to have a case of jungle fever. But in the absence of Eminem, and F-buddy Jared Leto, the starlet's now organizing a million man march to her capitol hill. The first man she's mobilized? 50 Cent.

Gossip blogger Perez Hilton, broke the news on his site that Lindsay showed up at 3 AM on the set of 50's latest video. Perez estimates the two are making mediocre music together.

 Perez Hilton Scoops on Lindsay-Cent

 Lindsay's Loves that Black Men Love Her

TV: REAL WORLD BREEDS FAKE TAN

I caught a second helping of the Real World Austin Reunion this weekend and managed to snap a shot of the newly J-Lo-rific Danny. Looks like he got into a fist fight with Dr.Rhinoplasty and drowned his pain in a bottle of Mystic Tan.

Let's do a little before and after:

Here's blue-collar Beantown Danny, before his meteoric success in showbiz :



And here he is at the reunion, post-extreme makeover:















Lips are so 2004.


In other Real World news:
While the Danny caught heat from Nehamiah for being too LA, none of the housemates turned down an offer to be repped by Joe Millionaire cast-member cum talent agent Marc Marcuse. Based on the success of his other clients--the Cast of Paradise Hotel and Rebel Billionaire--these kids are gonna be huge (huge).
www.reelmanagement.net

TV: DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES MESSAGEBOARD: A HOTBED OF SOCIAL THOUGHT

Sunday night's episode of Desperate Housewives took on some weighty issues: Gabrielle's infidelity in the face of Carlos' newfound faith, Bree's struggle to cope after George's suicide and Lynette's unique approach to childrearing as a working mother.
But nothing came close to what went on in the Desperate Housewives messageboard. Here's a summary of the heated posts that appeared the show's official messageboard this Sunday night:

When 588mrs questions the decency of interaccial and gay relationships on the show, ferris445 nearly rips her a new one. Pretty soon the whole board is calling 588mrs a TROLL!!! Nicsugar chimes in "Is there something wrong with being gay! I mean I'm not gay but there is NOTHING wrong with it!" Then Styopa stirs up trouble by coming out of the closet. Pretty soon old Unoit2 is writing "JESUS CAN SET YOU FREE ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS ASK." And little desperatehousewivesrox, who's is just 14, wraps up the chat on a serious note : "Jesus hates the people without the open minds, AND JESUS HATES YOU!"

Thanks ABC for inspiring the voices of a nation.

See for yourself:
Desperate Housewives Message Board

PUBLISHING: FORBES EDITORS SMOKE CRACK, MAKE LIST

In another attempt to attract dumber readers, Forbes published their Fictional 15 List, a round-up of the richest characters ever imagined. 

Santa Claus earned the top spot with an apparently incalcuable net worth while the Simpson's C. Montgomery Burns came in at number five with $8.4 million.

But, the question on every American's mind? Just how much is Scrooge McDuck's room filled with swimmable gold coins really worth? $8.2 billion.

Forbes' Fictional 15

TV: MIDGETS VS. YOGURT

You know those Yoplait commercials where two woman are unnervingly enthusiastic about eating yogurt? Well, it's sparked a bit of controversy in the world of short men. In one commercial, two bridesmaids silmultaneously gripe about weddings and become aroused by their Yoplait (why are they eating yogut at a wedding? anyone?).

One woman describes the yogurt as being as good as being paired with an usher that isn't shorter than her.

Leave it Short Support, the non-profit support group for tiny men, to take offense. They organized and even sent a letter(gasp) to General Mills demanding an apology for ostrcizing those with the grave misfortune of being tiny men.

Writes organizer Devin Love-Andrews:
It does not take a man who is 5’2" (my height) to realize the offense of such comments; even someone 6’4" with sensitivity can understand that such a commercial is a blatant and direct attack on short men.

Check out the site to see the commercial and GM's response to the outrage:
www.shortsupport.org

Other item's on the Short Person's Sh*t list:
A 2002 episode of Becker
Burger King's Angus Bacon Ranch Burger
Randy Newman

GAMES:FEELING PERVY?

Looking for a quiz you can actually ace? Check out Jokes Unlimited's celebrity underwear quiz and identify your favorite stars based on their lingerie-clad bods. Find out just how much of perverted stalker you really are.

celebrity underwear quiz

SJP UGLY WATCH

still ugly